I walked out into the yard. You know REALLY walked into the yard. Not just walking to the car. But out there, in the heat, in the dryness of the grass. It was brown and crunchy. As I gazed around at our huge yard I realized everything that isn't a part of the "sprinkled" part was very brown and dry. It was breaking. The shrubs in some areas are totally dry and dying. Even some trees. We talked about how we are trying to water enough to salvage it, but it isn't enough.
The heat has been way too intense this summer to keep everything alive.
Then tonight I realized, that's how I feel inside. The heat has been so hot and so long, I feel like I have burned up and am now brown. Just like my yard.
As we sat at dinner I expressed to my husband how I 'need' to feel the Holy Spirit in a STRONG way. Don't get me wrong. I feel the Holy Spirit when I pray, listen to worship music, it is extremely strong in church and His presence is very real in my every day life. But does anyone remember those days when the Spirit of God moved so strongly during a church service that you were overcome and knelt right where you stood or you moved to the front and knelt as others around you began to do the same thing. How it didn't matter that the time allotted for worship was over, because the presence of God was so strong you didn't dare move on.
You couldn't. It would have felt disrespectful.
Yes, I am Pentecostal by any one's standard. But that doesn't make me weird in that we run the aisles or roll in the aisles or even march around the church.. (nor have I ever seen a snake in church). But I am prone to raise both hands, kneel, weep or maybe all 3.
After one such service, the feeling of restoration, peace and refreshing is unbelievable. Kind of like a slow, drenching rain. You soak it in. It restores the moisture to your spirit that time, stress, sickness and just life has drained from you.. the drought of the soul I call it.
The spiritual rain is just like a physical rain that moistens the ground and restores and brings new life. That's exactly what the rain from heaven does. Where there was nothing but dry, brittle ground, there is now a moist fresh soil that has soaked in the very thing it needs for life: Rain.
I am in need of a soaking rain. Yes, I'm admitting it. I asked my husband if it's because I'm old and old fashioned that I am hungry to feel the power of God and see Him "show up and show out", not because He has to but because He wants to. I want to be so blown away by His presence that I cannot move. I want to see people flat on their faces before God pouring out their hearts, renewing their walk with Him. Making a new dedication that doesn't wear off on Monday. I want seeking Him to be a priority in not just my life but the life of my family.
I want them to desire HIS presence more than anything else on this earth.
I want to feel that feeling again.
I want to be mesmerized by him.
I know order and schedules are a necessary thing in weekend service. But thank God for services like we have once a month where time isn't the most important thing.
Letting God move takes precedence over time.
If I can't have the 'latter rain' at service..then I will continue to seek It. I know it's there. I've experienced it. And I believe the Holy Spirit of God is as willing to move on me as I am hungry for Him to.
We don't have revival's any more. We've moved past that. We must be too dignified. I know we're too busy. So we have conferences. Where we learn from incredible pastors and teachers but we don't "wait" on the Lord. We hurry as much through these incredible meetings as we do through everyday life. Gotta move on to the next thing.
I'm slowing down and I'm waiting. I'm waiting for the rain.
I'm not really waiting. I'm looking for it. With my spiritual eyes. (I'm praying for revival too..)
I am seeking it out. It may only rain on me in my living room. But the rain is coming. And I promise: I'll be soaking it in.
